I vividly remember the time that I died! It was early 2006. I wasn’t sick, I didn’t have an accident and I wasn’t on the operating table. I was in my bedroom, sitting on the floor, praying to God. At that time in my life, things were not going according to (my) plan. I was at a place where I could see I needed to lay down my dreams and desires and submit to the will of God. The problem was that the will of God seemed in my eyes, to be a backward step!
I wrestled with my thoughts and really struggled with the idea of yielding my will to God but eventually in prayer I found the strength to say yes to Him. As I did this I literally felt like I was laying my will on the altar. After this solemn moment a funny thing happened. Rather than feeling dread and doom, I felt a great sense of peace and suddenly felt free. Over the coming days these feelings remained and I even started to get excited about the very thing I had struggled to say yes to! Long story short, that very thing never came to pass. God opened up another opportunity that was far better and I walked away with a more yielded heart.
It can be very difficult to submit to the will of God at times. If He’s asking us to lay something down that’s precious to us, we can easily feel like He’s being unfair, unkind and even unreasonable. In those times we would do well to remember His character and recall how He is a good and perfect Father who knows what is best for His children. Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
I’m really grateful that God has not allowed me to live my life according to my will. I shudder to think what my life would be like if I had lived according to what I thought was best. His ways are indeed so much better than mine—even though there are times I still have questions.